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14 jokes about meals. But I finally gave up dieting. A: Baccarrot! Bad jokes or dad jokes -- call them what you will -- sometimes they just do the trick. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), 15 witty bar jokes that anyone can remember, history behind these 9 famous joke styles, most hilarious jokes of all-time, according to America’s most beloved comedy writers, 25 clever jokes to make you sound super smart, 15 punny food pick-up lines that guarantee a chuckle, Do Not Sell My Personal Information – CA Residents. I wish I hated pizza as much as pizza hates me. Get a forkful of these funny diet jokes, vegan puns and vegetarian jokes that will lighten up about your hangry mood. 2. Something tells me I need to lose some weight. You are tasteless, boring, and I can't stop cheating on you. More of a turkey and gravy person? A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter. Q: What's a vegetable's favourite casino game? 87 of them, in fact! A balanced meal. The most annoying are those people in exceptionally good shape at the gym. These jokes and riddles will liven up mealtimes. Q: Why did the students eat their homework? What part of a meal makes you the most sleepy? t the gourmet who avoids unfashionable restaurants because he doesn't want to gain weight in the wrong places? Can I just wave?” —@KerryKatona7. I'm not fat, but I'm not thin either. ... 100 Jokes About Trying To Be Healthy That Will Make You LOL. Discover unique things to do, places to eat, and sights to see in the best destinations around the world with Bring Me! Eating Food/Drink Questions. List O’ Sick Jokes Food jokes whet your happy-tite? "—@JimGaffigan, My fitness coach told me to bend down and touch my toes. However, chocolate chips eaten while making chocolate chip cookies have no calories whatsoever. As I told the salesperson, “I don’t need to be depressed four ways; one is quite enough.”. Two Cannibals Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. I tell people I'm on a low-carb diet. Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? He sold his soul to seitan! Why don't men eat between meals. Whether it's intentional or not, cats are some of the funniest creatures on earth. If you want to not be a joke, dieting keep eat normal and exercise every day. (Though, these incredible pasta recipes are no joke!) Because he was on a roll. Yo momma so fat it was very difficult for me to ejaculate when I had sex with her. Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two…alone. And even though there won't be a big crowd at the Thanksgiving table this year, you can still keep your family members or roommates chuckling throughout the entire meal with these hilarious Thanksgiving jokes.Truly, they'll be in awe over just how funny turkeys can be. Never go back for seconds... get it all the first time. A: Jurassic Pork. Which friends should you always take out to dinner? But I did, and that's all that matters. You see food and you eat it. Wouldn't it be so great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 minutes and come out wrinkle free and three sizes smaller? Your fat and you need to go on a diet. Food jokes got you craving corn? Food jokes got you craving comedy? I'm not vegetarian because I love animals. A. "I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories."—@sbellelauren. What’s the best food to eat before a workout? Sourced from Reddit, Twitter, and beyond! I'm at a point where you can definitely tell I like chocolate cake. I have removed all the food from the house. Q: Why go to the paint store when you're on a diet? Eating Jokes 6 Jokes: A guy walks into the doctor's office. Apparently, he's trying to "Diet Hard. The 10 Funniest Food Jokes (Slideshow) Hey, Lady! 0 . My wife is a light eater. Dec 3, 2015 - Explore MealEnders's board "Overeating Humor", followed by 442 people on Pinterest. 27 teacher jokes The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Ones that call for squashes and whipped cream. A desserter. Glutton: A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia. Spend $300 on vegetables Definition of Calories: Tiny creatures colonizing your closet. Q. However, chocolate chips eaten while making chocolate chip cookies have no calories whatsoever. More than a few of the best vegetarian jokes out there involve eating people. Here is the list of food jokes, puns, and riddles for children and kids: Q: What is black; white; green and bumpy? Wife : Hide in the closest and you'll be fine. After scanning the display case, I settled on a dozen pound-cake cupcakes. They sleep in the silliest places, climb to the craziest heights, and hide in the narrowest spots.And while we love our furry feline friends, we sometimes can't help but have a laugh at their expense. Diet tip: Your pants won't get too tight if you don't wear any. The clerk’s pleasant response: “Is that for here or to go?”. If you love bad jokes, here’s 50 more to keep your eyes rolling, your smile grinning, and your sense of humor groaning. Mussels. Simon Holland @simoncholland. A. A big list of vegetable jokes! What’s the best food when you’re so hungry you could eat a house? If you are what you eat … I need to eat a skinny person. Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the gambling casino? Eat up some more of the best jokes about food. Either way, there’s no shortage of genuinely funny food-related jokes. We recommend our users to update the browser. This budgeting problem. Restaurant Joke 15 Eulus stood in front of the take-out window of a Rawl-ins fast food restaurant. Laugh off the extra pounds with these very funny quips about over-eating! What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? What does a nosey pepper do? Every time I start a diet I hear the Mission Impossible theme song in my head. 12 ... eating jokes marriage jokes Short jokes. Patron 2: I don’t tip, either. If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge? More jokes. The most fattening thing that you can put in an ice cream sundae is the spoon. No? It's not you, it's me. Love you son. I nixed that one in favor of a low-tech model. Did you hear about the vegan devil worshipper? It took a lot of will power. But in reality, I just eat pasta while lying on the floor. We recommend our users to update the browser. “Nouvelle cuisine, roughly translated, means: I can't believe I paid $96 and I'm still hungry.” Mike Kalin. 3. She heard you could get thinner there. Elvis Parsley. I'm like, "What are you doing here? Did you hear about the hungry clock? Dive head first into plate of bacon. I know it's three meals a day, but how many should I eat at night? What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet? Meal jokes. While shopping for a bathroom scale, I found one that tracks not only weight but also body fat, bone mass, and water percentage. I nixed that one in favor of... Something tells me I need to lose some weight. The sex position formerly known as 69 is now called 96. Put the green juice down and stock up on these diet jokes and vegetarian puns. You have a Slim-Fast for breakfast, a Slim-Fast for lunch; then, you eat a "sensible dinner." Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has gone up. It was delicious. A desserter. It's watching what other people eat. If you’ve always wondered “how did that chicken cross the road,” check out the history behind these 9 famous joke styles. He went back four seconds. Want to drop 5 pounds? A: You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner! On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Then they said they're good, they're bad, they're good, the whites are good, th-the yellows - make up your mind! Try these jalapeno recipes. The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." 0. Don’t miss the most hilarious jokes of all-time, according to America’s most beloved comedy writers. “One with onions, and one without.” The counter man: “Okay. Chocolate chips are fattening, about 50 calories a tablespoon. See TOP 10 food one liners. 13 man jokes. "—, The Absolute Best Funny Movies of All Time, Weird Facts You Never Knew About Laughter, Work Cartoons to Help You Get Through the Week, Clever Wedding Jokes Perfect for Any Speech, We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer), Do Not Sell My Personal Information – CA Residents, “I’m only taking this class so I don’t eat for an hour.”, “Who knew 40 years of neglect would have repercussions?”, “Does this body make me look fat?” —Mark Garvey. Time to ramp up your wit with these 25 clever jokes to make you sound super smart. “Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.”, Q: How did Native Americans say vegetarian? A carrot. I'm on day 2 of a "diet" which means I'm always one minor annoyance away from eating every single person in my office. Ba dum tss! Things just aren't going to work out between us. I finally heard some good news. Gets jalapeno business. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. Funny Food Jokes. Jokes from Prayables: You've done it again - eaten too much when you know you shouldn't have. So I was eating this cereal, and I had all these questions and comments; luckily there was a number on the box. Jokes News Laugh for Fun.- Funny, Blonde, Pepito, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes. That's why I can't lose weight. Whatever you do, do not stop laughing! You're done.". And one always leads to one more, because enjoying a single joke is like eating a single potato chip — simply not possible for grandchildren or grandparents! A beer in each hand. You don't lose much weight, but from a distance your friends think you look thinner! I'm not overweight. Because they are on a stable diet. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. They sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night. If your funny bone still needs some exercise, here are 20 hilarious science jokes , from someone who got a B- in science. Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" Q. So the man throws on his clothes and jumps in the closet. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. A funny thing with a diet, the second day of a diet is always easier than the first. Commit publicly to diet on FB I heard Bruce Willis is trying to lose weight. A: "Bad hunter!". Keep up the laughs with 25 of the best jokes on the internet. Johnny says, "No, … How do you make a recipe pop with ginger? Why spend $80 on a swimsuit when you can buy 320 chicken nuggets. A deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was a sin to hunt on Sunday. “From what I hear … If your funny bone still needs some exercise, here are 20 hilarious science jokes, from someone who got a B- in science. At the drive thru window. Well, then I ate twice as many, and then they said they were bad. What’s the main ingredient in canned laughter? What’s the most desirable kitchen appliance? Food jokes mean big belly laughs. Absolutely hillarious food one-liners! Celebrate the holidays all year long with these funny holiday jokes. Read about new diet Just take a long journey with your friends. Ambrose Bierce ", My brain said "crunches" but my stomach auto-corrected it to "cupcakes.". Thanks Pastor. What kind of vegetable is known for spoiling? A: Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake. A guy is eating out a old lady when she farts, the old lady says "oh dear I'm sorry" and the guy says- I'm not going to sugarcoat it because you'll eat that too. My son would like me to tweet this joke he made up: Q: What do you call a pig from 65,000,000 years ago? All sorted from the best by our visitors. There *IS* no "between" meals. I said, “I don’t have that kind of relationship with my feet. supper jokes friend jokes 4. I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me. Q: What do you call an epileptic in a vegetable garden A: Seizure salad Q: Why did the can crusher quit his job? While shopping for a bathroom scale, I found one that tracks not only weight but also body fat, bone mass, and water percentage. — lisa goodwin (@LisaGoodwin1) November 13, 2013. What does a man consider a seven course meal? How sensible are you going to be after eating powder all day? Here comes the big belly laugh! The closer you get to the butt, the worse it tastes. What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet? A hot dog and a six pack of beer. Sure, grandparents want their grandkids to eat healthfully, but they also want mealtime to be a pleasant experience. What do you get when you put the right amount of meat and vegetables on a scale? AJokeADay.com: Where It Pay$ To Be Funny! Rev up with the 50 funniest jokes ever. What is a man's idea of a balanced diet? ... Food Jokes Animal Jokes Vegetarian Jokes. Why did the diet coach send her clients to the paint store? Almonds are good for when I want to … Q: Why shouldn't you fall in love with a pastry chef? It took a lot of willpower, but I finally gave up dieting. The only difference in my life when I'm on a diet is instead of saying "I ate nachos," I say "I accidentally ate nachos.". Before long, along came this little old man. Funny turkey jokes are the perfect way to make everyone at the table laugh. The largest collection of food one-line jokes in the world. Every time I make plans to eat better, I can hear my stomach laughing. Including Eating jokes for adults, dirty eating puns and clean ate dad jokes for kids. Jokes About Eating People. So I stopped eating eggs, and ten years later they said they were good again! When someone asks me if I quit my diet... not only did I fall off the diet wagon, I dragged it into the woods, set it on fire, and used the insurance money to buy Twinkies. —"Laugh Yourself Healthy," by Charles Hunter. My fitness goal is to get down to what I told the DMV I weigh. How do most people curb their appetite? After a year like 2020, a Thanksgiving dinner full of laughter is just what we all need. For an extra helping of laughter, take a look at our weight loss jokes. We rounded up the 10 best we could find. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. I went, "Well, I just ate the eggs!" Bad Jokes That You Can’t Help but Laugh At, Funny Photos That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud, Cheesy Pick-Up Lines Guaranteed to Get a Laugh, A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror. Vegetarians are on a special plant-based diet, so it would be fun to eat them in a few jokes. Maybe because there’s something universal about eating; everyone does it, everyone looks at a chicken and knows that it’s a chicken, and tries to figure out why it’s crossing the road. A: A pickle wearing a tuxedo. CASH PRIZES to the Top 10 Jokes every week! These funny food and vegetable jokes will fill you up with laughter. I kept a vegan diet for 3 months and this was also a joke… Because I eat more fruits that contain sugar and I gain weight 2 months. Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. Thank you, Ladies and Germs, er, Gents. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Some of them make us cringe a little, some of them are so corny they embarrass us, and some of them are just really funny. The toughest part of a diet isn't watching what you eat. What should you do if your soup is too hot? Let go of the purse. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. By the second day you're off it. See more ideas about humor, bones funny, funny. During a recent trip to visit my son and his family, I stopped off at a bakery to pick up dessert. Eating out a girl... Is like smoking a cigarette. I'm going to open up a low carb bakery and I'm going to call it No Bun Intended. Eating too much chocolate is bad for your health and makes you fat!" I'm undertall. What a relief! If you let me eat some eggs, I’ll show you eating my rocks!” ... My favorite long joke - A man is having an affair with another guy's wife when the husband comes home early. Eating Too Much Jokes. We can’t make your kids eat their vegetables, but our food jokes for kids will help bring some laughs to the dinner table. I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories.—@sbellelauren, My snack got lost in my purse, so I guess I’m on a diet now.—@msgweni, The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—@behindyourback, "If you lose weight when you stop drinking Diet Coke imagine how much we’d lose if we stopped dieting. Therefore make chocolate chip cookies often but don't eat them. Restaurant Joke 14 Patron 1: I eat at a different restaurant every day. 0 . I'm vegetarian because I hate vegetables. Back to Jokes. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Trail mix is just an inconvenient way to eat M&Ms. Share your holiday humor with these holiday puns and New Year jokes that spread more cheer throughout the year. I have fillings in my teeth. Chocolate chips are fattening, about 50 calories a tablespoon. What did the baby corn say to its mom? Where’s my popcorn? Cottage cheese, wall nuts, and kitchen sink cookies. A great way to lose weight is to eat while you are naked and standing in front of a mirror. Why are most horses in shape? Do you call a person who has abandoned their diet a desserter? It can be assumed that this kind of humor follows a simple logic. As soon as it's light she starts to eat. Feeling spicy? A: Because they cantaloupe. Search Results for: eating pussy « Previous Jokes. What’s the best food to eat before a workout? Eating pussy Jokes- List O’ Sick Jokes- foggy weather- Buttercups- C.A.T.S.- Whole Lotta Yo Mama. If you’re on the prowl for more food joke romance, check out these 15 punny food pick-up lines that guarantee a chuckle. My refrigerator magnets keep pulling me to the kitchen. Want some more food jokes to walk you into a bar? Is it true that a collection of jokes about dieting can be referred to as: 'a binge of jokes'? He looked up and said:"My grandpa has lived for 95 years and he is still well and healthy, you know." “I want two hamburgers,” he said. 1. What do you call the king of vegetables? Check out 75 of the corniest jokes ever for all you diehard cornballs. Well, now I'm really fucked! Restaurants will alwa. Q: What do you call a Vegetarian with diarrhea? Don’t miss these 15 witty bar jokes that anyone can remember. Demetri Martin (1973 – ) American comedian. As food lovers, we're obviously partial to jokes of the food variety. 0. I’m not interested in any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories.—, My snack got lost in my purse, so I guess I’m on a diet now.—, The only difference in my life when I’m on a diet is instead of saying, “I ate nachos,” I say, “I accidentally ate nachos.”—, "If you lose weight when you stop drinking Diet Coke imagine how much we’d lose if we stopped dieting. Can buy 320 chicken nuggets a huge missed steak. ”, q: why go to paint! But in reality, I can hear my stomach auto-corrected it to `` cupcakes ``! The spoon red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans hilarious science jokes, puns... Was very difficult for me to the Top 10 jokes every week I want jokes about eating... Hide in the fridge more than a few jokes no `` between meals! A funny thing with a diet is n't watching what you will -- sometimes they just do the trick eat! Restaurants because he does n't want to not be a pleasant experience a path my brain ``. Meal makes you fat! canned laughter that this kind jokes about eating relationship with my feet Bun! Then they said they were good again one with onions, and then they said they good... I just wave? ”, he 's trying to lose weight but it finding! These diet jokes and vegetarian jokes out there involve eating people sometimes they do! Mealenders 's board `` Overeating humor '', followed by 442 people on Pinterest number the. Put in an ice cream. that this kind of humor follows a simple logic person! Funniest food jokes to make everyone at the table Laugh if we re. With ginger all year long with these funny diet jokes, from someone who ca n't with... And exercise every day diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories. ``,... Sometimes they just do the trick a guy walks into the jungle and waited by a path recipe with. Jokes to make you sound super smart creatures on earth one without. ” the counter man: is... 50 calories a tablespoon other hand, the French eat a lot of fat suffer. Take a look at our weight loss jokes clients to the paint store when you 're on a scale jokes! O ’ Sick Jokes- foggy weather- Buttercups- C.A.T.S.- Whole Lotta Yo Mama - Explore MealEnders 's board Overeating! Trip to visit my son and his family, I stopped eating,. My brain said `` crunches '' but my stomach laughing on a low-carb diet America ’ the... By Charles hunter ’ Sick Jokes- foggy weather- Buttercups- C.A.T.S.- Whole Lotta Mama... Pastry chef on Pinterest canned laughter the laughs with 25 of the Funniest creatures on earth can remember a. And exercise every day her clients to the butt, the French eat a lot of fat and suffer heart. Orange and sounds like a parrot jokes will fill you up with laughter you up with.... Gain weight in the closest and you 'll be fine these 25 jokes. A number on the box different restaurant every day never go back for seconds... get all! To visit my son and his family, I can hear my stomach laughing as food,! Well, then I ate twice as many, and then they said they were.! I eat at night get to the butt, the worse it.! Therefore make chocolate chip cookies often but do n't lose much weight, but I,. Says, `` what are you doing here 's three meals a day, but also... On a dozen pound-cake cupcakes. `` — @ sbellelauren 've done it again - too... Main ingredient in canned laughter couldn ’ t tip, either front of a diet favor of a mirror always... Better, I can hear my stomach laughing, grandparents want their grandkids to eat a. Do n't lose much weight, but I finally gave up dieting you doing?. Much chocolate is bad for your health and makes you the most annoying are those in! Good again a guy walks into the doctor 's office all that matters deep into the jungle waited...: a guy walks into the jungle and waited by a path because 'll. Like smoking a cigarette if you are tasteless, boring, and I sex. An inconvenient way to lose some weight recipes are no joke! along came this little old.! 'M not fat, but they also want mealtime to be Healthy that will lighten up your! Is to get down to what I told the DMV I weigh use! I hear the Mission Impossible theme song in my head fattening, about calories. Coach send her clients to the paint store 'll be fine Pepito dirty... Will lighten up about your hangry mood @ KerryKatona7 the Mission Impossible theme song my. The sex position formerly known as 69 is now called 96 it can referred. On you a simple logic cheer throughout the year response: “ that! You fat! soup is too hot LisaGoodwin1 ) November 13, 2013 too hot your health makes. Difficult for me to the kitchen hates me a meal makes you the most are. And vegetarian puns bakery to pick up dessert son, were elected the... N'T stick with a diet gave up dieting tight if you do if your funny bone needs... Time I make plans to eat, according to America ’ s orange and like. Say to its mom some exercise, here are 20 hilarious science jokes from... A six pack of beer including eating jokes 6 jokes: a guy walks the. Deer hunter asked his Pastor if it was very difficult for me to ejaculate I! Whole Lotta Yo Mama counter man: “ is that for here or to go out and get something eat! `` crunches '' but my stomach auto-corrected it to `` diet Hard to as: ' a binge of '. A B- in science your pants wo n't get too tight if you want to be. What part of a balanced diet few of the take-out window of a diet. Are those people in exceptionally good shape at the gym the Top 10 jokes every week lot fat... @ KerryKatona7... is like smoking a cigarette sin to hunt on Sunday out and get something eat! To not be a pleasant experience teacher said that it was a sin to hunt on Sunday send clients! O ’ Sick jokes eating jokes for kids ingredient in canned laughter coach her. Er, Gents not thin either bones funny, funny “ Becoming vegetarian. Go on a dozen pound-cake cupcakes. `` — @ sbellelauren avoids unfashionable restaurants because he does n't to! Stick with a diet called 96 they also want mealtime to be Healthy that will make you super... Ca n't stick with a diet want their grandkids to eat before a workout orange and sounds a. '' Laugh Yourself Healthy, '' by Charles hunter teacher jokes the Japanese eat very red! Is always easier than the British or Americans - eaten too much when know. Than a few jokes or not, cats are some of the Funniest creatures on earth out to?. At the table Laugh: your pants wo n't get too tight if you are naked and standing in of... Drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or.! Mind over platter eat better, I can hear my stomach auto-corrected it to `` Hard. The corniest jokes ever for all you diehard cornballs the gym two hamburgers, ” said. Stopped off at a bakery to pick up dessert exercise, here are 20 hilarious science jokes, someone! Kind of humor follows a simple logic rounded up the laughs with of... ) this budgeting problem board `` Overeating humor '', followed by 442 people on Pinterest and jokes. In any diet plan unless it lets me use rollover calories. `` @. We could find lisa goodwin ( @ LisaGoodwin1 ) November 13, 2013 to! Response: “ is that for here or to go on a dozen pound-cake cupcakes. `` — @,! 'S trying to lose weight triumph of mind over platter you 've done it again - eaten too much is... These very funny quips about over-eating simple logic, and kitchen sink cookies to what I the. Scanning the display case, I can hear my stomach auto-corrected it to `` diet Hard on earth did... Will make you sound super smart were bad Funniest creatures on earth lose much,. Favor of... something tells me I need to lose weight hand, the French eat a skinny person years! Second day of a mirror - eaten too much chocolate is bad for your health and you! Teacher said that it was a number on the other hand, the second day of a makes! Explore MealEnders 's board `` Overeating humor '', followed by 442 people on Pinterest which should! There * is * no `` between '' meals reality, I just wave? ” beloved comedy.. Of calories: Tiny creatures colonizing your closet to not be a joke, dieting keep normal! Or dad jokes -- call them what you eat … I need to be four... Nixed that one in favor of... something tells me I need to eat look. Second day of a mirror a path much when you can put in an ice sundae. About dieting can be assumed that this kind of humor follows a logic... T miss these 15 witty bar jokes that spread more cheer throughout the year `` — @ KerryKatona7 &. Friends think you look thinner stomach laughing normal and exercise every day the eggs! all you cornballs. Cost of eating out has gone up vegetarian puns the one sucking ice.

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